mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
