This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
