You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sober January is a disaster.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
