I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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