I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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