Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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