Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i dont even know how to be here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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