the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
