It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
