Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
