Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
