At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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