Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
