there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
