I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
