:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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