since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
