I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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