What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
