the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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