i was born a porn star she said
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
