just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
