Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
