y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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