My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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