if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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