420 ftw
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
