My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
