I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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