So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
