I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
