I am spending my child support on dildos
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
