i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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