it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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