I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
