never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
