I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
