I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well you can't waste a boner
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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