Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
