i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
OPIZZABONMYDICK
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
