Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
