my sisters under your porch take her home
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
