is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
