it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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