32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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