He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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