Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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