What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
