You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
