apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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