i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
