we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
