Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
