The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
