i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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