You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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