Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
