fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
