I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
