am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
