Someone shit on the floor
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize