The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
