He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
