EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
