I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
