Sry I called you an 8
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
