You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
