I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
