what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
