Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
