if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
