My sheets look like a crime scene.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
