I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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