I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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