You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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