If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
