hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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