I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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