My cat gives me a boner
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
