textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize