He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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