I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
