i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
