I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
