I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
