don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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