Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize