I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
