I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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