I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
