Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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