Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
