he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
