I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
