Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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