thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
