maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
