one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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