how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
