I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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