he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
