i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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